One Year Later

Here I am, one year later and once again amazed at how God works. A few months after Paceler's birth as I was completely sleep deprived and ready to crumble, my mom stumbled upon a blog and shared with me. This super trendy, high on life mama with one precious little girl gave birth to her second daughter who unexpectedly has an extra chromosome. Sweet Nella was born with Down Syndrome and her mama blogged about that experience and continues to document their life in an artistic, breathtaking way.






(Picture by Kelle Hampton)



For many this blog is too much, overwhelming and unrealistic but quite the opposite for me. I became inspired, encouraged and challenged to live out every moment making unforgettable memories. As I continued reading, diving deeper into a strangers life a wave of jealousy hit me hard. She has an outstanding group of friends, some that gather just for playdates, some she catches up with at the park and others she does every day life with. They've picked her up, shown her the positive when she couldn't find it and love her simply for her.

I wanted that. I've always wanted that. A group of mamas sharing stories, challenges, asking questions and supporting each other. Kids playing together, learning to share, discovering what it means to be a friend, have a friend and love a friend. One year ago I met a good friend of mine for lunch. We don't see each other as much as I would like but when we do God uses that time, uses her to mentor me, speak to me. As I whined on and on about how wonderful this blog mom had it with her group of besties, girls she can count on and how I longed for this so badly my friend touched my hand gently. She said, "you can have this, pray hard, believe that God wants this for you and make it happen. Start a playgroup. Get to know other moms, pray for those people, open yourself up to these moms and trust them."

Wow, one year later I sit on this same white couch with that same lump in my throat and eyes welling up with tears. One year later I am part of a fantastic playgroup that my kids and I adore. One year later I have met new people whom I love. One year later I continue to be inspired and pray to inspire others. One year later my family is still the best, the ones I must have to survive. One year later I have a few close friends whom I need in my life, they have been essential to my mamahood, my every day life and I am thankful.

One year later I am amazed, God is Good.

What a Week

You know those weeks where you feel tired, frustrated, annoyed and just plain crabby...I had one of those weeks. Monday morning rolled around and I was crabby before my eyes even peeked open. The afternoon before my cellphone decided to completely stop working with no warning or reason, it just shut off. I am not big into technology as in I don't need the fancy new gadgets and I can't work a touch screen well at all but I do have a strong need to be "connected". I send friends texts throughout the day, email my hubby and respond to work matters. So to not have this, to be disconnected got under my skin in no time.

Once my eyes were open and I was in motion I discovered both my little ones were congested, feverish and whiny. Alright our winter ritual back on- go to the doctor almost every Monday. I packed the kids up, made it through the hour long appointment without damaging the tiny little exam room to leave with no prescription; they have croup, ride it out. Ok, we've had croup before, we can get through this. To Target we go, diapers, wipes, tylenol and maybe a yummy drink would help pass the day. I get the diaper bag together, prepare Trex for the adventure and panic as I can't find my wallet. I know it was in my bag, where could it be??? I remember letting Pace play with it in the tiny room to keep him quiet, oh I shouldn't have done that. Since I don't have a phone I couldn't call to make sure so we drove all the way back, unload, drag them up to the 2nd floor, yep there it is. Back to elevator, through the reception area and back to the car. At this point that was it, home we go.











Tuesday comes and I feel like a train hit me. Coughing like crazy, sinuses killing me and I can't breath. The 3 sickly ones stay at home all day, not exactly restful for me. However one of my bestest friends Jenna, calls to stay it is the day, her beautiful little baby boy is going to be born! We've been waiting a week for this, her calling to give me updates, going to the hospital and being sent home multiple times and me traveling around with the gift in my car just in case a hospital visit was needed. Now it's the day, she's ecstatic and I am stuck on the couch, you've got to be kidding!












Wednesday arrives, my bestest had her babe and I feel worse than ever. When I call to get a doc appointment they tell me "sorry we are booked today". Ugh, to urgent care I go. As I sit in the waiting room, hearing my husband's words "she's close to kicking the bucket" replay in my mind I am pleasantly surprised when urgent care is actually urgent. Yes, this is going to be good, get me in and out with some meds. I get to the tiny room only to be told I need to put on a gown and be monitored for a while because my oxygen and blood pressure is low. Not only that if my BP drops any more I may have to be hospitalized. As I sit there freezing I realize no one knows this, I can't text anyone, my kids are with my mom and my husband is working. How will I call anyone? Do places even have pay phones anymore? Do I even have change? In the end I am sent home with a strong prescription that hasn't worked yet.

Today is Friday, the end of the week. We came into the home stretch going back to the doctor. Paceler's fever continued all week and he is breathing terribly. Another tiny room visit and my baby has RSV and an ear infection. Oh Lord, help me make it to next week! Our house feels germ infested, I am so congested and coughing intensely I don't even want to talk and I never got to see my bestie's new baby. My phone still doesn't work, I continue to be disconnected and crabby.














However I lay here on our long black couch snuggled next to my baby, listening to him breath a bit louder and more muffled than usual and I am thankful. God is good, I made it through the week and things will get better. In the middle of it all some wonderful person dropped dinner off on my doorstep. Chicken, veggies, oranges, cookies, soda and tea; completely wonderful. I was reminded of the impact a random act of kindness has and how I need to do that more often. I talked with my friend today and she is wonderful, delighted with motherhood, inspiring me to soak in these moments, both good and challenging. I read my cousin's blog detailing their daily struggles with her brand new, very premature triplets and I weep, not only for her but for me. My struggle with sickness this week seems minuscule. My kids are at home, snuggled in and breathing on their own. My husband continues to call me "bunny" and play footsie with me in bed even though my nose is red and raw, I am surrounded in Kleenex, haven't shaved in who knows how long and look like ****.

Life is good dear friends. I love you all, am sorry for my "disconnect" this week and can't wait to get back on track. Enjoy your weekend and all it's moments.